booooring

i need pictures... i know.  i've been lazy, or busy... take your pick of the two, i don't care much. 

well get over it, because i don't have any right now... maybe tomorrow, but probably not.  instead you get a run down of everyday life.  get ready it's pretty exciting....

::i made hummus tonight.  from scratch.  like, from dried chick peas, from scratch.  it's pretty good too

::mason has ben fighting some sort of bug the past week, shocking.

::i have not been to the gym in a week and a half

::i have 10 weeks left in class.  i really don't know what i am going to be doing after that

::i really want to see the hunger games.  and read the hunger games.  maybe that is what i'll do after classes

::i might have a cavity

i am sure there are many other things i could share, but i'm tired.  love you, goodnight...

arg!

word to the wise:  ANGRY POST!

mom guilt is crippling sometimes.  any mom will tell you so.  every mom can understand what i am saying... so why are moms SO judgemental and mean to one another??  i don't get it.

i have chosen to get my son vaccinated.  i know the vaccination debate is one that can get people very fired up, generally i choose not to enter the discussion.  i feel like i have made the best decision that i can make for mason, using the information that i have found. 

i don't understand people that choose to not get their kids vaccinated.  but, generally, i don't judge them.  i like to assume that they are making the best decision that they can with the information that they have.

what i don't get is why the moms that don't vaccinate their kids judge me!?!  NOW i am going to judge.  i get that they think i am blindly following my doctors orders and that i am pumping my son full of random unnecessary additives.  i think that they choose to follow celebrities (who are always extremely well educated) and go along with the most sensational story of the year.  regarding the unneccessary additives... you want to know what is REALLY unnecessary???  POLIO.  THAT is unnecessary.  Or measles, also unneccessary.  you think your kid isn't going to get sick because they did not get a vaccine?  NEWS FLASH: IF your kid doesn't get sick it is because of the herd immunity of all the other children with their vaccinations.  you're welcome nut job.

you don't want my kid around because the vaccine is seeping out his pores?!!?  keep your dirty kid away from mine please, mine may be covered in vaccination slime, but yours is just covered in disease.

p.s.  that lunch of chicken nuggets and juice you just fed your kid?  probably far worse for him or her than any vaccine.  read a book.

ugh.  i probably just made some enemies, and who knows maybe i will take this post down....  the truth is, i really don't have a problem with moms who educate themselves and make a decision that they feel is best for their child.  even if it is not a decision i would make.  what i have a problem with is when people turn around and judge me for doing the same thing.  i don't make decision regarding mason lightly.  do not assume that because you have made a decision different from mine that you are a better parent.  you are just different.

one year

so this post is late, almost a whole week late.  i just don't know what to write.  i feel like the past year has been the fastest, and slowest year of my life.  i feel like there is no way that m can be one year old, but then again i wonder how he can only be one year old.

i just snuck into his room to check on him, more for my sake than his... he sleeps in a crib, i'm not sure what i think is going to happen.  sometimes i just have to reassure myself he is real. 

i know i've gone soft, my heart is like putty most of the time.  this little boy has changed me in some many ways.

so, mason, here is your birthday post, a week late.  i feel like i should have a long letter describing what you mean to me, but it won't be enough.  there is nothing i can say to you to make you know the depth of my heart for you.  so i will leave you with an i love you.  i love you completely, irrevocably, and without boundaries or limits.  i love you to the moon and back a thousand times.  i love you.

growing up

i bet you think this is about mason... but nope, it's about me.  it is the kind of post i hate to read, but i definitely understand why they are written.
i feel like i am finally starting to grow up, into a mom.  mason is almost a year, and i am beginning to feel like a mom.  its happened so much more slowly that i thouhgt it would.  i mean the kid came out of me.  i was a mom a year ago... really i became a mom about 9 months before that.  that is true, to a point, but it was all superficial.  everything i did for mason until very recently was still kind of forced.  that sounds bad, not forced in a bad way, just something that i had to think about.  it didn't come as natuarally as i would have thought.  it was funny, because i loked at other moms of babies and thought that they have it all together... secretly a little jealous.  who knows maybe they do have it all together, or maybe they are just good fakers.  i like to think i'm a good faker, but i'll never know.  :)

anyway, so today i started feeling like i am becoming more of a mom, well, just more confident in my mom-ness.  confident enough to say that i don't have all the answers, i probably never will.  but i do make my decisions out of love, whether they are right or wrong.  i still lose my cool sometimes, but i'm getting better.  mason has definitely taught me to pray again, and has taught me that it really does help.  there are times that i could not get through without feeling like i have a god who cares about the mundane frustrations in my life.  a year ago i could not have imagined listening to screaming and whining for more than 2 minutes without needing to cool off, now, three hours, and it starts to get under my skin.  i know that there are times when what i do isn't going to make mason happy.  unfortunately for him, because i'm the mom, and because god made it that way are going to rule his life for awhile.

i definitely don't have the mom thing down, not even close... not even a teeny iny bit.  but i'm starting to realize that's ok... and probably good.  i suppose if i thought that i had the mom thing figured out i might get lazy.  that might be worse than the clueless state i am in most of the time.

mama's heart:

mason, thanks for letting me grow up with you buddy.  i can't promise that i will do everything right, in fact i can promise that i won't.  but i'll love you more than any other mom could.  and i promise to keep trying.  love, mama