unsaid

there are a lot of things that are left unsaid before you have kids... no one really tells you how tired you will be, there is rarely complete honesty about the changes that happen to your body, and i am positive no one filled me in that i would truly become as crazy as my mother about vaccuming and mopping. 

but one of the most exciting/frustrating/overwhelming things about this mom gig (for me) has been this unquenchable desire to become better everyday.  it's out of control.  completely out of control.  i have been obsessing all day because i got frustrated at mason this morning (trying to get ot of the house to go to a baby shower and he thought it was the perfect time to strip his clothes off... AGAIN).  i shouted. nothing awful, but i raised my voice, and that happens infrequently enough that he looked at me like i had just told him i was going to kick his dog.  broke my heart.  thought about it all day  long. 

now, i know that he wo't remember it tomorrow, and that it will truly be fine, it was just once, yadda yadda.  bring it back to the desire to always be better.  i just never want to make that face appear again.

*sigh*

just love that little boy