Tuesday, August 28, 2012

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

that was dickens, right?

i think he was talking about his 18 month old. in fact, i am sure of it.

best: super cuddly, learning actions to songs like the itsy botsy spider, learning his name, wants to be JUST like daddy

worst:  sticking his hands in his dirty diaper and then running to me (covered in poo) saying 'gross', eating everything.... including chalk and dog poop, shouting no, in appropriate context, running away... outside... into the street.

god grant me strength.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

unsaid

there are a lot of things that are left unsaid before you have kids... no one really tells you how tired you will be, there is rarely complete honesty about the changes that happen to your body, and i am positive no one filled me in that i would truly become as crazy as my mother about vaccuming and mopping. 

but one of the most exciting/frustrating/overwhelming things about this mom gig (for me) has been this unquenchable desire to become better everyday.  it's out of control.  completely out of control.  i have been obsessing all day because i got frustrated at mason this morning (trying to get ot of the house to go to a baby shower and he thought it was the perfect time to strip his clothes off... AGAIN).  i shouted. nothing awful, but i raised my voice, and that happens infrequently enough that he looked at me like i had just told him i was going to kick his dog.  broke my heart.  thought about it all day  long. 

now, i know that he wo't remember it tomorrow, and that it will truly be fine, it was just once, yadda yadda.  bring it back to the desire to always be better.  i just never want to make that face appear again.

*sigh*

just love that little boy

Monday, August 13, 2012

keeping it real

just to be clear, nothing i say in this post negates what i said in my last post.

that being said....

there are days, sometimes a whole day, sometimes (today) a partial day, when if i hear that sweet little voice one more time, i am going to:

a) scream
b) walk around with my iPod on.... LOUD
c) go insane
d) all of the above

i love him.  i love being a mom.  i love staying home.  but every once in a while, my sweet sweet child.... light of my life... just annoys me. 

starting at about 530 tonight, mason started to bug.  bug BAD.  just for about 2 hours.  in all fairness we both needed to eat.  but i strapped him in the stroller, stuck head phones in, and went for a "run" (meaning i put on running clothes, shoes, put him in a jogging stroller, and listened to music that i used to run to, however at no point were both of those practically new running shoes off the cement at the same time).  sounds like a good plan, until you get into my head and realize that i did it so i could put headphones in to drown out mason's constant talking.  seriously. 

when do they start learning social cues?  at  some point he has to figure out that i don't want to read bert and ernie's dino adventure for the fifth time (NOT exaggerating). 

mom of the year.

just keeping it real.

mason: 18 months

a very merry unbirthday sweet boy!  this is a little late, because recently you have taken to be a LOT more work!  but it's ok, you are worth it.

at  eighteen months you are:

:: not only walking, but running, jumping, climbing, falling and dancing

:: your favorite songs are by FUN.  both 'we are young' and 'some nights' top the list.  it is rounded out with 'bushel and a peck' from guys and dolls, and 'hot potato by the wiggles'

:: you are insistent about e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.  no matter what you are asking for, you ask about 6348639864 times inn a row

:: generally, you have very good manners and say 'please' and 'thank you' frequently

:: you are still a BIG eater, and pretty adventurous...  you have your favorites like any normal kid, pizza, french fries, grapes, apples, and cookies, but you also loooove green and red bell peppers, chicken, broccoli, and cucumbers

:: you are still a mama's boy for sure, but you are learning to work the system, and cry out for daddy in the middle of the night, it gets him every time :)

:: you have had three hair cuts, and you hair is really starting to thicken up, it's now boy hair, not baby hair

:: baby b is your favorite friend

:: you love stuffed animals

:: you love elmo, trucks, trains and babies

:: you love to get pretty with momma

:: you like to put the word big in front of everything.  i am frequently referred to as beeeeeeg mama.  there are also beeeeeeg trucks, beeeeeeg elbows, and beeeeeeg bampas

:: you are starting to get humor, and frequently tease me by pointing to yourself and saying 'tatoo?'

::  you have learned the name of particular body parts, and find it fun to point them out on other people....  some times this is appropriate... elbow....  sometimes.... it's not.

we love you very much baby bear.  you continue to bring so much fun into our lives, daddy and i find ourselves seeing fun in things that we would have overlooked before.  next stop... the "terrific" twos!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

caution: sap ahead

get ready for sap, mush, lovey dovey yuck.  like, lots of it.  if you're not in the mood for it, skip ahead... i know that there is a sarcastic and b*tchy post somewhere further down this blog.  in fact i'll gaurantee it.  or come back in a couple days, i bet i will have another one soon.  but for today, just  the good things in life, and the mushy sappy stuff.

'true friendship is a sacred, important thing, and it happens when we drop down into that deeper level of who we are, when we cross over into the broken, fragile parts of ourselves.  we have to give something up in order to get friendship like that... friendship is about risk.  love is about risk.  if we can control it and manage it and manufacture it, then it's something else, but if it is really love, really friendship, it's a little scary around the edges.'
~cold tangerines

oh gosh, are you buckled in for this one?  seriously, a whole new level of sappiness.

the further i get into this motherhood thing, the more critical i become of my own life.  i see every decision i make as an example for mason, and i, like all mothers i assume, want to set the best example possible. 

one of the areas i am most proud to have him witness are my friendships.  i'm not saying that i have done everything right, or that i am even responsible for these wonderful friendships, but i am proud to show them off. 

you know who you are.

the friendships that we have are, in my humble opinion, a 'little scary around the edges'.  we have been with each other through a lot, the beginnings and ends of relationships, weddings and babies, rodeos and cross country, even cross continent moves, new loves and new homes.  it hasn't always been pretty, and i am sure there have been times when you haven't liked me much, but we have loved each other through it all.  through the times when we were not quite ourselves, not necessarily exactly the person that we orginally became friends with.

we have all had to give something up to build what this has become, we have had to give up the safety net, the veil that protects the real parts of us.  it took time and work and talking and crying and laughing, but it was worth it.

if mason learns nothing else from me, i hope he learns to protect his heart, but to also fiercely and wrecklessy love, not only his family, but his friends, and in time they become family too.